1973’s film Jesus Christ Superstar is easily my favorite adaptation of my favorite of all rock operas. From Ted Neeley’s turn as Jesus, to Carl Anderson stealing the entire production as an insolent and cantankerous Judas, everything about the film is so rich, powerful and flat out well done that it stands, in my opinion, as an all time victory of cinema. However, one of the most underlining dramatic turns of the film is beautiful songstress Yvonne Ellman (yes, later reaching fame for 1977’s “If I Can’t Have You” from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack) as the lovelorn harlot Mary Magdalene. In this dramatic representation of the last days of Christ, it is Magdalene’s sweet, yet seemingly with erotic undertones love of Jesus that causes the most problems for Christians, as something there is clearly blasphemous.
Potential blasphemy aside, let’s examine Yvonne Ellman’s ode to unexpected and overpowering love, “I Don’t Know How To Love Him.” Love’s an impossible emotion to prepare for. In fact, I’d argue you’re never prepared for it. However, even worse than being unprepared is when it’s not anything like anything you either expect or feel that you deserve. Yes, Ellman’s Mary Magdalene is a harlot who has “had so many men before,” but clearly none who arouse the appreciation and soul stirring wonder of Jesus. It would stand to reason that this all encompassing, completing and defining love would want to make Mary change her life, and lead a far more pious existence.
“I never thought I’d come to this/what’s it all about?” There’s so much confusion here. She can leave her former life behind, a life that she may not be proud of in light of the love being presented to her, but a life she has grown comfortable in and accustomed to. Love arouses fear. It does. To welcome someone else into the reality of your own existence is to ask a great deal of another person. This song either quantifies the emotion of acceptance, or the emotion of the most painful of denials. Either way, completely heart wrenching, and effusively beautiful.
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