What I’m about to write is not a joke. There’s a VERY real chance that before the year is out, former MTV VJ Simon Rex will once again be a household name on the lips of teenagers worldwide. But not as a laid back California dude hosting the Spring Break edition of Club MTV with “Downtown” Julie Brown. No, if you’re not aware, meet Dirty Nasty, he of the forthcoming Nasty As I Wanna Be CD and DVD release, one of the many late night zombie lifestyle living wasted children of privilege known as the Dyslexic Speedreaders. From ex-heroin addicted bisexual prostitute turned rapper Mickey Avalon, to the bizarre and twisted coke raps of Beardo, and the party pop with an underbelly of grime of Shwayze, with a plethora of scatological stories spread in between the crew, the Paris Hilton favored performers are at the cusp of something major. With Mickey Avalon in the studio recording new tracks with none other than Ke$ha and Katy Perry hitmaker Dr. Luke, the formula is already being mixed to be delivered directly to the ears and hearts of the American mainstream. Now, enter Dirt Nasty, who with his Plant Music head and legendary DJ Stretch Armstrong produced and mixed White Album Mixtape is preparing a most obvious, familiar and undeniable assault on the ears of the world.
This is not a Beatles record. It’s far less serious than that. In one mixtape, Dirt Nasty smiles, winks and cajoles his way into your soul by namedropping and being cosigned by literally every single white man to ever reach the American mainstream in hip hop. With drops from Alchemist, Everlast (of House of Pain), Vanilla Ice, Paul Wall and Asher Roth, all bases are covered. Need a cover of Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations” called “Feel the Vibrator?” It’s there. Yes, there is a marked drop in talent in hard lyrical content when he rhymes over Eminem’s “My Name Is,” and joins with Russian, mushroom froed associate Andre Legacy on “Beastie Boys Medley.” But if you signed up looking for crazy ill rhymes, you’re in the wrong place. However, if you have some time to kill and find a white guy rapping about his “baby d*ck” and proclivities towards sex with hookers and doing a veritable laundry list of illicit drugs over familiar beats remotely entertaining, take a seat.
If Dirt Nasty becomes popular, it’s going to be on the strength of exposing every dirty secret of mainstream society. We like poop and fart jokes. White guys with the maximum minimum of flow going in hard never ceases to amaze, and most importantly of all, there’s Dirt Nasty, seemingly sitting next to us, shaking his head in amazement too at the ridiculous nature of the voice coming out of your speakers. Pop music has never been completely a talent driven vehicle. There are elements of style, and elements of marketing and persona that are more than clearly important as well. Dirt Nasty has that down. In being the quintessential scumbag asshole, the picture of suburbia gone terribly awry that you absolutely can’t bring home to mom, he wins.
What’s most dangerous about Dirt Nasty is the fact that he’s cosigned by all the necessary individuals key to his success. Ribald and bizarre comedian Andy Milonakis? Here, just like he is on Major Lazer’s “Zombie” providing the effect of being a countercultural icon for being fantastically unusual. And Stretch Armstrong, the NYC hip hop icon? Huge as well, as if he’s on it, well, it may be worth slowing down and taking a listen. And ultimately he, and this is worth a listen. Mainstream pop needs a counterbalance to Justin Bieber’s saccharine innocence. My choice, the Dyslexic Speedreaders clique, and most notably, Dirt Nasty.
THIS IS A MIXTAPE TO COP/ NOT COP
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